Ronaish, 35; Pavitra, 4
Q: Where are you originally from and how long have you lived in Perth?
Originally from Singapore, lived in Perth for 4 years.
Q: How did you come to live here?
We moved here because we were thinking of having kids, and we were sure Singapore wasn’t the place for them. Everyone that I know that has kids in Singapore has a maid that looks after them, or sticks them in day care from seven in the morning till seven at night. I didn’t have a childhood like that, and I didn’t want my child to have one like that either.
Q: In general, how do you find life in Perth different from that in Singapore?
It’s a lot quieter, so that was the biggest adjustment. In Singapore you don’t have to think about what you want to do. You step outside, and it just happens. You don’t have to put a lot of thought or planning into it. Over here, you have to think about things in advance. There’s a holiday coming – the shops are all closed, there’s no entertainment, and the place is a ghost town – what are we going to do?
You learn after a while, to get organised and go with the flow, and you find the value in it. Going to a park involves calling three people two days before, to see whether anyone else is going to be there, or Pavitra might end up being at the park playing by herself, which is no fun. Because the parks are sometimes empty. In Singapore there’s no such thing as an empty playground! So everything requires a bit of thought.
But you get to have hobbies, pursuits. In Singapore, I can’t really say I had a hobby. Almost everything that I did was either work or study related, or had relation to an end objective.
Q: Think about your aspirations before and after you had children. Have they changed at all, and how?
Before I had Pavitra, my life involved only me and my goals and what I wanted to achieve in life. I can’t even say that marriage changed that in any way.
I did a lot of travelling, so one of my goals was to go to all the continents in the world. There was this guy I met who had been to seventy one countries, some of them four times. I was inspired by that. I was getting my private pilot’s licence, learning how to fly. These were the only things I did purely for fun, but they were things I could stop and start whenever I felt like it. There was no way I could have accommodated a child with my work demands – 90% of my time was taken up by work.
Work started at 7 a.m. and ended at 10 p.m. I was a production engineer, and worked in a 24 hour plant. All our clients were from the US or Germany or elsewhere in different time zones. And as we were the contractors, we would have to work around them. So they needed people there around the clock. Basically, If you left at 8 p.m., you didn’t get any comments, but if you left at 5.30 or 6 p.m., everyone would ask if you’re having a half day.
Q: So how has that changed now? Are you still working now in engineering?
Yes I’m still working, and full time. [surprised look from Charlene] Haha, I know! I start my current job at about 6.30 in the morning. I end at 3 p.m. on the days that Pavitra has school. It’s easier to say to people here “look I’ve got to go. It’s 3 o’clock but I’ve got to go pick up a child.” It’s not a big deal.
I’d expect to be fired by now in Singapore. A long, long time ago, they would have said “jump off the bus, I don’t think you’re headed to the same destination we are.” So to have this here, is like having your cake and eating it too.
My whole life is now Pavitra, and that’s the thing about this place, it allows me to give that time to her.
Having said that, the entire social structure in Perth seems to assume that the woman will quit her job and stay at home. I don’t think i could survive that way. I need something else.
Lately I have started to pursue my interests again. Simple things like Yoga, writing and On my birthday I’ve actually arranged to do another flight!
Q: What hopes do you have for Pavita’s future?
I think I have what every parent suffers from: where you take all the things that you did wrong, and tell this one little person “look you’re not going to make the same mistakes I did. You’re going to get it right.” And that’s what I have to watch myself for. I’m sure I’m going to make all those classic mistakes.
Right now her dream job is to be a fireman. Every time she says it, it kills something inside me. Haha! Let me elaborate. I do think it’s a highly honourable profession, but I guess I’d like her to grow up to be like the people I admire, the people that inspire me.
They’re the ones that swim against it, that use their intelligence to do something that’s not mainstream, they don’t follow the herd. And that’s what I hope I can nurture in Pavitra. To keep asking. She’s already that sort of person, whose whys don’t stop coming, but I want to take those whys to the next level, have her ask deeper, more meaningful questions.
I think that’s a very high goal to set for your child, wanting them to inspire you. But Pavitra does. She amazes me on a daily basis. Every day is unique and sometimes I forget that… I think “how did i find anything funny before her? How did I amuse myself?” Cause she walks in and she just lights up the place.
